Are work potlucks really safe?

I think my job is really interesting. It's not so much what I do that is interesting, but more what goes on at work.


A few days after I got back from Mexico my boss asked me if she could take me to lunch. I was kind of worried where this was going. At lunch she said that she just needed to vent because she just had her performance evaluation and was very upset by the results. Essentially she got a "meets expectations," our director told her that the only criticism he had was that she doesn't do enough "team building" and she needs to start planning lunches (company is paying) and such for the team. Apparently that was enough to keep her out of the "exceeds expectations" category. After lunch she sent out a meeting invitation for a "team lunch" next week. I think my boss is great. I have to say that having my boss take me to lunch to vent about her performance evaluation was a first for me. Can't say that it was an unpleasant experience, she's really funny, so I kind of enjoyed listening to her talk about it.


My coworker Steve brought me in a little foam Dwight Schrute head stress ball. My other coworkers say it looks creepy to have a little head sitting on my desk. I think it's still better than the foam stress ball tooth the company provided that developed a yellowish tint after a couple of weeks. I guess you can't really see that from the picture though. Steve and I are the only two people in our department that watch the Office. The others say that they've tried to watch it, but they didn't like it because they felt like they were back at work. I personally kind of think that comments like those speak volumes about this job. I love it.


The underwriting department recently decided to organize a potluck lunch with our department. Apparently this all took place while I was gone. Steve brought me up to speed in the usual fashion, via emails:


Me: Why is Andrew using our napkin supply for kleenex?


Steve: Is that what he's using them for? Surely he knows that there are tissues in the bathroom? But perhaps I give him too much credit.
Did Phyllis tell you about the upcoming potluck in October? Turns out I'm going to be out of town that day. Too bad...I was really looking forward to eating food brought in by Andrew.


Me: Well since he came over here and got one and immediately started blowing his nose, I can only assume that's what purpose they're serving for him. I thought maybe the men's room didn't have tissues or something.
No, she didn't tell me about the potluck and I don't really want to participate. I hope she forgets to tell me and then I won't have to.


Steve: I don't think you'll get off that easy. For some reason, the kind of people who decide that potlucks are a good idea are also very insistent that everyone else acknowledge that potlucks aren't creepy and disgusting in a work environment. I liked underwriting better when it was Fernando and Spencer. They never would have allowed this kind of thing to happen.


Me: Theresa says that Bruce is also out of town over the potluck, so Phyllis may be forced to reschedule. She suggested we pool resources so we can bring in food we deem edible.


Steve: This is the worst news I've heard all week. I don't want to play along with this charade. The thought of eating food prepared by Andrew's hands is already making me nauseous.


As it turns out Phyllis refused to reschedule the potluck. When I didn't respond to her emails inquiring as to what I would be bringing she made sure to come over in person and hand me the sign up sheet. She stood there for a minute or two waiting expectantly for me to sign up for something. I finally had to tell her that I would have to think about it and get back to her at a future point in time. She set it on the filing cabinet across from my desk so I can sign up when I decide what I'd like to bring. Steve of course heard this whole exchange. A few times a day he'll wave it around and say something like "Julia, make sure you don't forget to sign up for something. You've only got a week to decide what you're bringing." One of the ladies, who has more guts than I do already told Phyllis to take a hike, she's not participating. I'd consider taking the day off, but since Steve and I are the only two people that work in this position (as of late that means the only two people surfing the internet, emailing, chatting, etc. They tell me it'll be like this until next March) we're not allowed to both take the same day off. I told Steve not to worry, I'll save him some leftovers.


The guy I replaced at this job is something of a legend. His name was Steve R. I won't post his full name. I would never want him to google his name and find this post. The first day on this job people were telling me about him. They haven't stopped talking about him. From what I gather he was about 40. Everyone has described him to me as extremely arrogant. Based on some weird things he did I am of the opinion that he had a SEVERE case of OCD. He had a girlfriend that lived in Indonesia, and took off an entire month to go to Indonesia to visit her. The girlfriend's dad ended up hating him though, so any marriage plans were sort of on hold after that. He quit this job (he was on the verge of being fired) to move to Korea. My boss told me that he couldn't write (which is kind of a necessity at this job). She sent him to a grammar class. He called her after one hour and told her that he wasn't getting anything out of it, and didn't feel that he needed to spend the rest of the day there. My boss who is ordinarily very calm apparently had to get very aggressive over the phone. He finally agreed to stay and complete the course. She said it didn't really help him, and she suspects from stuff he said afterwards that he created problems for the instructor. Steve tells me that every morning Steve R. ate ding-dongs and a Coke for breakfast. And everyday for lunch he would go to Costco for the Polish dog meal. (Steve, our coworker Lizza, and I were going to have a contest to see who could eat lunch off the Costco menu for the longest period of time. Lizza backed out, so we kind of gave up on the idea.) Steve R. gets talked about so much that I started to feel a little bit bad for him. Then this week I was assigned to redo a project he worked on last year. Yeah, four days later I don't like Steve R. either. It was a disaster. I finished this afternoon. My boss said next time we'll just trash anything he worked on and start from scratch. As we were talking about this Steve mentioned that we needed to start planning a party for the anniversary of Steve R.'s departure. Literally they all remembered the exact date of his departure, November 6th. In all seriousness, the department is planning to do something to celebrate. This has been a poignant little lesson to me on leaving people with a good impression.


Our director brought in a massive tub of cheese balls. Despite the fact that we all agree that they look like they're radioactive, they're disappearing at a steady rate. Today my boss suggested that we take black sharpies and use them to decorate the remaining cheese balls like little jack-0-laterns. Yeah, that's what work has come to around here. You know it's bad when you're boss is so bored that she's suggesting these kind of things. For the record, my boss is a little younger than my mother, has a nice little family, and is ordinarily very professional. Although I guess this post doesn't really illustrate that very well.