Obituaries

I love Utah obituaries. Every now and again one will crop up that's pretty inspiring, which is nice, and I can also usually bank on one or two being posted that say something so absurd that I walk away with a smile. I used to have a little collection of my favorites that I had clipped out, but I had the misfortune of showing it to someone who was all uptight about it, and somehow convinced me that it was an inappropriate hobby. I still regret throwing it out. Some of the favorites:

An obituary that ended in "Bon Voyage!"
The deceased was pictured wearing a bandana with a skulls and crossbones, the final line was "We'll play your music loud, just like you liked it!" Not surprising that individual had passed away in a "senseless act of violence."
One of my all-time favorites was the guy who had written his own before passing, I'm not convinced he was totally coherent. He rambled on and on about one of his seven wives, giving only a brief mention of the current wife. I could never quite figure out what his relatives were thinking to publish it.
There have been a few where the deceased was survived by relatives, and "her precious cat Muffy."
There's always the relative that is trying to convince the readers that their loved one made it to the Celestial Kingdom by listing off every single church calling that person ever held, including visiting or home teacher.
An obituary that includes some poetry always makes for an interesting read.
There was also one of a polygamous wife which I thought was pretty interesting. She was survived by a bunch of sister-wives.

I'm sure someone is going to read this and get all bent out of shape, and think unkind thoughts about me. So I will just clarify that I do understand that obituaries are written by a close relative during a period of significant emotional distress, which undoubtedly contributes to their compromised ability to take an objective look at what they've just written (this I know, I've written a few). Which in my opinion does not eliminate the fact that there's some humorous material in the obituary section.

Another captivating aspect to Utah obituaries is the idea that the author of the obituary was given a limited number of words to sum up the life of the deceased. That being the case, I think it's safe to assume that the obituary is going to hit on the highlights of their life, and the things that were important to that person. Which leaves me endlessly fascinated with what that relative chose to include. Like the lady whose entire obituary centered around the fact that she loved taking weekend trips to Wendover...or maybe the one I read today that said, "He knew every verse to "Utah Man" and could be counted on to sing it with gusto at all football and basketball games, and other random, less appropriate times." He was a ute, so while nothing about that statement surprises me, the fact that it made it into his relatively brief obituary kind of does.

I sometimes wonder what Sarah (for some reason I just assume that Sarah would be the author) would write about me if I were to die on the 405 on my way home this evening. She might just have to resort to something really generic like "she loved the outdoors and small children." I'm sorry Sarah, I'll try and hang in there a little longer, and get a few things done so you'll have more to work with.

I was already prepared to post a link to one I found today that pretty much cracked me up, but rather than risk offending someone (more than I already have), I'm going to refrain. I'll let you find it on your own.