What Happened to Me?

It would seem that the time to start applying to grad school is suddenly upon me. I haven't taken the GRE yet, but I have started filling out applications online. How stressful is it really to type basic information into little boxes online? Well turns out it gives me anxiety. While filling out these forms I have become gripped with this nagging fear that I won't get accepted anywhere, everyone will turn me away. I keep catching myself thinking "what if nobody accepts me? Then what?" It's dawned on me that this is an outcome that I've never stopped t0 consider before now. I don't have a game plan for that scenario. I'll cross that bridge if and when I come to it I guess.
Periodically throughout this last year I have wondered to myself what I was thinking when I decided to go back to school. Isn't this the sort of thing that people just talk about doing? It's not the sort of thing that anyone actually does. Okay, so there are always a few people that really do follow through, but since when am I that person? Since never. What's happened to me? Weren't my big ambitions in life to attend every football game BYU played during at least one season, take a road trip from sea to shining sea, ride an Icelandic horse across a beautiful field in Iceland, see the Alhambra castle in Spain, and okay there are some others that I've actually done, and now I'm somewhat embarrassed to even admit what they were, but you get the idea. Torturing myself with grad school wasn't anywhere on that list. Yet here I am, filling in the little boxes, and praying that grad school is where I'll be this fall.