Glen vs. Jared on the road

I've decided to treat you all to a little story about my move to back to Utah. Well first of all the move was all very last minute, so I was forced to leave the vast majority of my belongings behind, and plan a return trip to retrieve them with my Dad's suburban in a couple of weeks. Glen and Jared agreed to come back with me to help.

We planned an early departure, but ended up getting kind of a late start. It was my observation that my dad, Jared, and Glen were determined to load us down with every tool possible just in case we experienced some mechanical failure along the way. After an hour or so of watching them sort, load, unload, reload, and talk over the possible uses of multiple tools we were at last on our way. Only as far as the distribution center down the street though, because Glen had neglected to pack clean underwears. Then to the gas station for gas and food stuffs, and finally the freeway.

We made it all the way to Nephi before we made our first bathroom stop, our second bathroom stop was in Beaver, and then while Jared was napping in the backseat Glen and I decided to detour over to Tocquerville to say hello to Gile. Jared woke up just in time to fork over a dollar to a sweat soaked Gile so that he could purchase a beverage before we said "goodbye" and made our way back to the freeway. Perhaps Glen and I should have taken note of the tone of irritation in Jared's voice when he asked "Where are we? How far out from the freeway did you take us?" We stopped again in St. George to visit Aunt Betty and Uncle Atwood, eat lunch, and stop at Autozone for a plug of some sort for Glen's trailer that we were hauling.

It was sitting in the parking lot of Autozone in St. George with Jared that I first began to realize that he was annoyed. I said something about how I couldn't fathom what was taking Glen so long in there, and Jared replied "I don't know, maybe he knows someone who works here?" There was a distinctly irritated tone in his voice. I guess the additional stop at the AM/PM outside of Vegas for nachos, and then again in Barstow to say hi to Larry and buy some additional trailer parts at that Autozone just about put poor Jared over the top. We wanted to stop and see Uncle Hardy, but Jared looked like he might start swearing at us if we made one more stop. By the time we dropped him off in Long Beach I think he was barely speaking to us. Glen and I discussed it privately later that night, and Glen said that on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being uncontrollably angry, that Jared was at least a 6. In future conversations with Jared he did not deny that allegation.

Glen and I spent Saturday out in the 909 with Mike and Sheila, and then came back to my house to start sorting items. Glen said there were more things than he had initially realized, and then after surveying the items in the garage announced that we'd been "dealt a serious blow" by those additional items, and we best start packing right away if we were going to figure out how to get it all crammed in there. We packed until 3am, and Glen somehow managed to fit most everything I own into the Suburban, with a few items taped to the roof. That's right, they were taped, because I did not own any rope, but we had to devise some way of securing them to the roof until we could at least proceed to the Home Depot the next morning for something a bit more reliable than packing tape.

Jared claims that we did not arrive in Long Beach to pick him up, until 10am the next morning. Glen and I believe this to be a gross exaggeration. Either way, we picked up him and then proceeded to Ricky's house to retrieve two oversized armchairs that Jared had been forced to leave behind when he married Sarah. He and Glen somehow managed to wedge them into Glen's little trailer and we were headed home. We stopped in Ontario for gas, and as we were pulling out Glen put on a straight face and asked Jared if perhaps we should stop in Barstow to visit Larry and Suellen. Jared remained relatively calm and asked Glen in a not so nice tone of voice "Are you messing with me right now? I MEAN SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU MESSING WITH ME?!" At which point Glen and I burst into laughter as Glen admitted that "Yes, I'm messing with you a little bit." I don't think that Jared was even a little bit amused.

I think that Jared was even less amused when Glen pulled out a pink and purple toy microphone and begin speaking to Jared through it, and then tried to demand that Jared take a turn with the microphone. For a moment I thought that Jared was going to rip it from Glen's hand and destroy it, but instead he pulled out his ipod and did his best to shut us out.

We did not make that many stops on the way back, but to hear Jared tell it you'd think that we toodled along at 20mph, and visited every rest stop between here and California. We did stop at the Virgin River Casino in Mesquite for dinner. The waittress seemed to be quite taken with Jared. I'm uncertain as to whether or not she noticed Glen and I sitting at the table, because she was so busy fussing about "deary" a.k.a. Jared and his dinner. Too bad for her Jared was already in a bad mood from travelling with Glen and I, and apparently hates to be called "deary."

Shortly after leaving Mesquite we devised a game where one of us would select some sort of category and the other two would have to find a song in their ipod to play over the car speakers that fit into the category. The person who selected the category then judged who picked the best song. I think it was obvious that I was the winner, but let's just say that some people felt that it was necessary to disparage their opponent's selection in an effort to try and win votes for their own poor selection.

We got home in the wee hours of the morning, and Jared has since sworn that he will never again roadtrip with Glen. Glen and I are convinced that Jared really enjoyed himself immensely, but just has too much pride to admit it, and Glen has specifically noted that he's certain that Jared was secretly dying to sing into that purple and pink toy microphone. I also suspect that to be the case.